(insert bombastic words)

2009-11-28T19:47:00.000-08:00

haven't updated this shit in ages.
.
.
.
and it'll stay that way for a few more days.

Ghost Love Score - Nightwish

2009-11-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee
Into the blue memory

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever

Into the blue memory

A siren from the deep came to me
Sang my name my longing
Still I write my songs about that dream of mine
Worth everything I may ever be

The Child will be born again
That siren carried him to me
First of them true loves
Singing on the shoulders of an angel
Without care for love n` loss

Bring me home or leave me be
My love in the dark heart of the night
I have lost the path before me
The one behind will lead me

Take me
Cure me
Kill me
Bring me home
Every way
Every day
Just another loop in the hangman`s noose

Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home
Every way, every day
I keep on watching us sleep

Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve
Of you and me
Forgive the adoring beast

Redeem me into childhood
Show me myself without the shell
Like the advent of May
I`ll be there when you say
Time to never hold our love

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
You were the one to cut me
So I will bleed forever

2009-11-11T04:01:00.000-08:00

bring it.

2009-11-09T01:14:00.000-08:00

Let me dream of sheltered places
of precious moments
And of long-lost faces
of truthful words
that finally do make some sense

I Drive the Hearse

2009-11-06T18:23:00.000-08:00

When this freedom stains my coat
With the winter in my throat
When I'm lost I dig the dirt
When I fall I drive the hearse

And silence is another way of saying what I want to say
And lying is another way of hoping it will go away
And you were always my mistake

Devour to Survive, so it is, so it's always been

2009-11-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

Hello.

If you're reading this, I'm sort of relieved yet I'd rather you didn't. So just stop. scroll to the end of the page, click on a link to take you away from here. Bye.

Still here? I'm warning you, It's going to be incredibly angsty.

Credulous at best, your desire to believe in angels in the hearts of men.
Pull your head on out your hippy haze and give a listen.
Shouldn't have to say it all again.
The universe is hostile, so impersonal. Devour to survive.
So it is. So it's always been.

Yes. Better you than I.
Death, destruction, disease, war, famine, plague... Entertainment. It's like blood to a vampire. Feed on the tragedy. Even this communique is part paraphrase from a song. Media media. Bone & Stone.

It's half an hour to midnight and I want to hit something.
I'll kill, I'll kill for that feeling once again
What's left to right of the wrongs?
Let it all burn.

2009-10-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

You claim I don't know you, but I know you well
I read in those ash eyes we've been through hell
I've walked with the weakest just to feel strong
You've given your body just to belong

This post will go up on the 22nd of October. A reminder of what i did...
No apologies required.

Blogs

2009-09-30T07:31:00.000-07:00

Dark Reality: 331 posts
uziel126 LJ: 199 entries
(insert bombastic words): 127 posts
The Darkness in the Light: 65 posts
Hypocritical Bias: 40 posts

The Darkness in the Light: 21/1/07
Hypocritical Bias: 5/10/07
Dark Reality: 6/2/08
uziel126: 14/4/08
(insert bombastic words): 7/3/09

interesting

A Definite Answer

2009-09-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

No, you aren't.

PAE A07

2009-08-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

1. What would you do if Denise confessed love to you?
Laugh. Because this is the second time this question came out haha.

2. In a race between you, Desiree and Elsa, who would win?
Not me. Elsa? I dont know, haha.

3. Oh no, Peishi got kidnapped by aliens! What do you say once they get back?
... What?

4. What if you found out that Leena was secretly an alien plotting to take over the world together with Mervin?
Did you have anything to do with Peishi's kidnapping?

5. Elsa just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?
"So you're probably not gonna reply my email anytime soon, are you?"

6. Describe Kenneth in five words.
That's a bitch-ass magician dude.

7. Does Samuel make you hot?
Yeah. He just stands there and in comparison, I am the hottest shizz ever

8. How do your and Benedict's talents add up?
42.

9. Describe Shafiq in one word.
MAHT

10. Will Mervin eat those green eggs and ham?
I guess. :/

And now, for something completely different

2009-08-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

Question-Meme Generator by ~mct421 on deviant ART

1. Will Wei Jie eat those green eggs and ham?
He probably would. He's weird that way. (LOL)

2. In a race between you, Elsa and Bryan, who would win?
Definitely Bryan. Unless it was a long distance race. Then I'm not sure. Not me though LOL.

3. Would you love to read JJ's very personal diary?
Not really. I imagine it to involve many jokes about a certain, undisclosed ethnicity.

4. If Denise played in a movie, what kind of character would they play?
Um. Probably a supporting character. Short people can't do leads. :P

5. Do you miss Josephine?
Not really, since I'm gonna see her on wednesday, thursday and friday. (DAMN YOU PRELIMS)

6. If Jolene were to be mistaken for a celebrity, who would it be?
PATRICIA MOK. (If she sees this, I r ded)

7. Can Samuel be bad influence?
Oh yes. He can.

8. Jeremy just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?
"Eh, WJ, you take the bass, I take the electric and we share the acoustic."

9. Do you trust Bryan?
Yes. Unless its his relationship advice. Then NO.

10. Asyraf suddenly knows all your secrets. What do you have to say about that?
Married couples shouldn't have secrets from each other ANYWAY :PPPP

The most fun I've had in weeks.

High and Dry - Radiohead

2009-08-31T05:19:00.000-07:00

Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy.
Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.
You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop.
You broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever had.
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry.

In Two Minds - Riverside

2009-08-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

Another day of talking
And I'm in two minds
I think I have to tell you
I finally realised
I know you'll never really get inside of me
But I don't mean to hurt you
Just let me disappear

We used to like it
Used to be
In the sunset time of our dream
For all these things we cannot change
We cannot be
We cannot stay

But if you lose your faith
Know that I am still your friend
And if the sky falls down
Know that I will still support you.

Egoist Hedonist - Riverside

2009-08-16T03:29:00.000-07:00

[I. Different?]

Once in the middle of the crowd
I stopped
Suddenly I felt so good
Not being on the move
But became an obstruction
In your way
And I was surprised
How fast you could unite
Against me

When you forced me to the ground
And tied my hands
Certain I couldn't disturb
Anymore

I saw the sadness in your eyes
Your fear
And the most secret desire:
"Escape from here"...

In pursuit of uniqueness
And individuality
We must be unlike anyone else
To survive
But in the mass of different runners
Different lies
We can't make time to realize
How the same we are

[II. Hedonist Party]

So let me live without your pain
Just let me live without your pain
Because I want to feel so...

It's not right
It's not fair
When I am forced to live your life

It's not right
It's not fair
When I am forced to live your life

It's not right

Just let me live without your pain
Just let me live without your pain
Just let me live without your pain
Just let me live without your pain
Just let me live without

[III. Straw Man Dance]

Congrats
This time you're a borderline pass
Here's your reward
Now smile
After all
You conform to us
Drag on
Forget yourself in the final dance
You already know the steps

Lifting Shadows off a Dream - Dream Theater

2009-08-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

He seems alone and silent
thoughts remain without an answer
Afraid and uninvited
he slowly drifts away

Moved by desire and fear
Breaking delicate wings

Lifting shadows
off a Dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

As the rain is pouring down
Tears of sorrow wash his mind
Drifting with the current
This stream of life flows on

He seems alone and silent
waiting on his hands and knees
The chill of winter's darkness sits quietly

Moved by desire and fear
he takes a few steps away

Lifting shadows
off a Dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

And she listens openly

He pours his soul into the water
reflecting the mystery
She carries him away
and the winds die slowly

And she listens openly
And she listens openly

Lifting shadows
off a Dream once broken
She can turn a drop of water
Into an ocean

Lifting Shadows off a Dream
Lifting Shadows off a Dream

2009-08-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

I cant remember anything
Cant tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel the scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
Im waking up I can not see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me

Back in the womb its much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But cant look forward to reveal
Look to the time when Ill live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me
Now the world is gone Im just one
Oh god,help me hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

On The Page - Chroma Key

2009-08-03T04:50:00.000-07:00

Tell me something stupid
Auction off my diary
Life is getting esoteric
Let me in your movie
Each time i walk out the door
Someone mixes metaphors
Life is so much cleaner on the page

It's like the morning when I'm dreaming
And everything is so pristine
It's just a seven hour movie
And I'm in every scene

Let me in my T.V.
Get this tape to Tori
Got to have a sub-plot
When i sell them my life story
Maybe i should write it first
And do the living later
'Cause life is so much cleaner on the page

It's like the time i lost my body
And then i saw it on T.V.
Somehow it shed a whole dimension
But it still looked like me
(Hey! That looks like me!)

Each time i write lines for it
Someone improvises it
Life is so much cleaner on the page
Life is so much cleaner on the page

In Held (Twas) In I - Procol Harum

2009-07-31T06:49:00.000-07:00

Glimpses of Nirvana

In the darkness of the night, only occasionally relieved by glimpses of Nirvana as seen through other people's windows, wallowing in a morass of self-despair made only more painful by the knowledge that all I am is of my own making ...

When everything around me, even the kitchen ceiling, has collapsed and crumbled without warning. And I am left, standing alive and well, looking up and wondering why and wherefore.

At a time like this, which exists maybe only for me, but is nonetheless real, if I can communicate, and in the telling and the bearing of my soul anything is gained, even though the words which I use are pretentious and make you cringe with embarrassment, let me remind you of the pilgrim who asked for an audience with the Dalai Lama.

He was told he must first spend five years in contemplation. After the five years, he was ushered into the Dalai Lama's presence, who said, 'Well, my son, what do you wish to know?' So the pilgrim said, 'I wish to know the meaning of life, father.'

And the Dalai Lama smiled and said, 'Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?'

Held close by that which some despise
which some call fake, and others lies
And somewhat small
for one so tall
a doubting Thomas who would be?
It's written plain for all to see
for one who I am with no more
it's hard at times, it's awful raw

They say that Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor
and those unsure
believed his eyes
- a strange disguise
Still write it down, it might be read
nothing's better left unsaid
only sometimes, still no doubt
it's hard to see, it all works out

Two Suns in the Sunset

2009-07-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

As the windshield melts
And my tears evaporate
Leaving only charcoal to defend...

2009-07-23T18:37:00.001-07:00

omfg i hate you AFC, i hate you i hate you ARGHHHHHHH

Dogs - Pink Floyd

2009-07-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

You gotta be crazy, you gotta have a real need.
You gotta sleep on your toes, and when you're on the street,
You gotta be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed.
And then moving in silently, down wind and out of sight,
You gotta strike when the moment is right without thinking.

And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,
A certain look in the eye and an easy smile.
You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to,
So that when they turn their backs on you,
You'll get the chance to put the knife in.

You gotta keep one eye looking over your shoulder.
You know it's going to get harder, and harder, and harder as you
get older.
And in the end you'll pack up and fly down south,
Hide your head in the sand,
Just another sad old man,
All alone and dying of cancer.

And when you loose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown.
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone.
And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw
around.
So have a good drown, as you go down, all alone,
Dragged down by the stone.

I gotta admit that I'm a little bit confused.
Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used.
Gotta stay awake, gotta try and shake off this creeping malaise.
If I don't stand my own ground, how can I find my way out of this
maze?

Deaf, dumb, and blind, you just keep on pretending
That everyone's expendable and no-one has a real friend.
And it seems to you the thing to do would be to isolate the winner
And everything's done under the sun,
And you believe at heart, everyone's a killer.

Who was born in a house full of pain.
Who was trained not to spit in the fan.
Who was told what to do by the man.
Who was broken by trained personnel.
Who was fitted with collar and chain.
Who was given a pat on the back.
Who was breaking away from the pack.
Who was only a stranger at home.
Who was ground down in the end.
Who was found dead on the phone.
Who was dragged down by the stone.

2009-07-10T03:55:00.000-07:00

rawr.

i do not like writing my sgc. it just seems so lacklustre to write "President of Blogger's Club". If only I had managed to come up with something better a year ago. (there i go again with the what ifs.)

Eric Johnson = god

LISTEN TO MANHATTAN ZOMFG.

ok bye bye, got to act hardworking for the people who think i have brains.

A Day of Music

2009-07-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

Salut!

Well, one last hurdle to clear for this BT2... I'm beginning to think my attitude is entirely wrong for JC, I eagerly await the end of exams, when I'm technically supposed to "keep up the momentum" and "plan for the long term". But realistically... I just want to strum my guitar with my newly cultivated fingernails. It sounds sweet :) crystal-clear sounds that emulate from a pristine (I exaggerate somewhat) guitar, ahhh... If only every day and every night was like this. Uncaring, unfeeling, just... music.

i heart n'sync. hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

(the reason for this? Pearls Before Swine has the answer ;) )

Always Never - Porcupine Tree

2009-06-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

I feel no pain
Cause I'm an island
I will remain
In the deafness of your silence

I love you sometimes
Always Never
He said you're here
Here with me now

I feel no gain
When you're around me
I'll try again
In the darkness you astound me

It's growing cold
I'm growing old
Is this the only way to see the fire?
It's raining...

btw

2009-06-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

The world abuzz with the death of Michael Jackson, I only have 2 things to say

1) I guess it is true, the world does appreciate people better when they're dead
2) Could I have the opinion of Triumph, the insult dog, on Michael's death?

(:

Where We Would Be

2009-06-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

Tied - tied to a time
When we knew that the sun would shine
And you were all smiles
And we could just talk for a while...

Of where we would be when the future comes
And how you would paint while I wrote my songs

If I could find you
And tell you about my life
Or maybe just write
And remind you of when we would dream...

Of where we would be when the future comes
And how you would paint while I wrote my songs

Strange how you never become
The person you see when you're young

2009-06-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

two reasons: I know the guy in the video, and the music is awesome. excerpt from Blood by OSI. Good flourishing too. :D (I hope he never sees this)

Feel So Low

2009-06-26T06:49:00.000-07:00

So see how long I can last
You can pretend that I don't exist for you
And I can laugh about it now
But I hated every minute
I was waiting for your email
And each day that you forgot to call
Just made me feel so low
So low

Christmas, Winter ~~1998~~ 2008
I tried to call
I just couldn't wait
And your message was out of date
So I left my voice on your machine
But you did not respond
OK
OK
OK
You've won
You make me feel so low
So low

Mirror Post 1: Livejournal

2009-06-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt to coordinate my posts on blogger and livejournal hahahaha. It's partly a little self-advertising on the blogger side, since I feel that most of my music things will be moved here in the near future, while livejournal continue as a more personal space- though this is by no means an absolute.

Haha I write this as though I'm freaking popular or something. Well my thoughts continue on in livejournal, but for a piece of my mind you could try listening to this :) Awesome song, reflects my current thoughts on what my parent's call "the real world" and everything I'm ignorant of.

Who's The Boss In The Factory - Karmakanic

Script For A Jester's Tear

2009-06-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

So here I am once more
In the playground of the broken hearts
One more experience, one more entry in a diary, self-penned
Yet another emotional suicide
Overdosed on sentiment and pride
Too late to say I love you
Too late to restage the play
Abandoning the relics in my playground of yesterday

Im losing on the swings
Im losing on the roundabouts
Im losing on the swings
Im losing on the roundabouts
Too much, too soon, too far to go, too late to play
The game is over, the game is over

So here I am once more
In the playground of the broken hearts
Im losing on the swings
Im losing on the roundabouts
The game is over

Yet another emotional suicide
Overdosed on sentiment and pride
Im losing on the swings
Im losing on the roundabouts, roundabouts, the game is over

Too late to say I love you
Too late to restage the play
The game is over

I act the role in classic style
Of a martyr carved with twisted smile
To bleed the lyric for this song
To write the rites to right my wrongs
An epitaph to a broken dream
To exercise this silent scream
A scream thats born from sorrow

I never did write that lovesong
The words just never seemed to flow
Now sad in reflection did I gaze through perfection
And examine the shadows on the other side of morning
And examine the shadows on the other side of morning
Promised wedding now a wake
Promised wedding now a wake, awake

The fool escaped from paradise
Will look over his shoulder and cry
Sit and chew on daffodils and struggle to answer why?
As you grow up and leave the playground
Where you kissed your prince and found your frog
Remember the jester that showed you tears, the script for tears

So Ill hold our peace forever when you wear your bridal gown
In the silence of my shame the mute that sang the sirens song
Has gone solo in the game
Ive gone solo in the game, but the game is over

Can you still say you love me
Can you still say you love me
Can you still say that you love me
Do you love me
Do you love me
Do you love me
Do you love me, the jesters tear

Can you still say you love me
Can you still say you love me
Can you still say that you love me?

The jesters tear, the jesters tear
Do you love me

Parallel Lines

2009-06-21T23:17:00.002-07:00

Walk with me a while. Here, this is the place.

Memories? Certainly. A woman? No, not here. That was another. Here, this is the memory.

Breathe it in. Can you see? Yes, you do see. Ah, but that's easy to answer. You just don't remember experiencing it. It lies further on in your future. But believe me, you see it.

No don't bother trying to cross over. Just talking to each other is enough. Don't you realise what a unique opportunity this is? We're traveling separate roads, I'm just a little further on than you are...

Ha-ha, no our roads won't meet, we are after all on parallel roads. I think there was a theory on that in my world, they called it the alternate universe- Ah you have the theory too! I'm afraid I don't know much about it though...

But then again, I suppose we're in the same boat. Tell me, did you develop your mathematical faculties? Ha-ha, neither did I! I don't regret it to this day.

Oh no, I can't possibly tell you what I've done- or what you will do. In fact I think there will be vast differences. For instance, I can see you don't believe, but let me tell you that I go to the mosque every Friday! Ha-ha! You should see your face! Oh don't be so frightened, it doesn't mean you will...

Oh if we had all the time in the world, we would be here for ever! This is indeed a unique opportunity... But it is time... Our roads diverge here... We will encounter each other again someday, and then perhaps you'll have more to say! Ha-ha! Oh you look so grim, laugh more! Farewell! Farewell!

2009-06-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

Though I ought to bare my naked feelings
Though I ought to tear the curtain down
I held the blade, in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but-
Just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut

Pink Floyd

2009-06-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

Wally: "My dream is to someday be like you. I hope to advance from being totally worthless to totally worthless and overpaid."

Dilbert

-----------------------------------------------
Thanks to JJ, WJ and Jeremy for coming over yesterday, even though I was sick. :)
-----------------------------------------------

New Porcupine Tree album "The Incident" out September 21st! PSYCH OUT. Someone get it for my birthday muahahahaha.

100

2009-06-18T17:40:00.001-07:00

I seem to be getting to the 100 mark faster nowadays. I think it took me a whole year on my first blog. Either this is an indication of the increasing verbosity I display, or maybe its just that I have too many youtube videos LOL.

Ubuntu's not too shabby incidentally. Once I manage to find out what I have to do to convert files from .ogg to .mp3, i should be set...

I will finish WYWH review BY TODAY

Cabernet Sauvignon

2009-06-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

2009-06-17T05:07:00.000-07:00

Being round you is driving me crazy
Watching you run is making me lazy
You're trying to buy a place in my head
Telling me lines I've already read
Speaking my name to try to confuse me
Say it again you're starting to lose me

Thats alright I'm okay
It happens every single day
Its all the same
But I'm not blind

Its all about you not me
Its all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
Theres not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

Its all about you not me
Its all about you not me

You're building my prison brick by brick
Eating your words is making me sick
You get what you want
Cause nothing is sacred
You're reading my mind
And leaving me naked
You say I gotta give before I receive it
One of these days I'll believe it.

Its all about you not me
Its all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
Theres not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

Its all about you not me
Its all about you not me

Thats alright I'm okay
It happens every single day
Its all the same
But I'm not blind

Its all about you not me
Its all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
Theres not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

Its all about you not me
Its all about you not me
Its all about you not me

Winding Shot (Summer 1981)

2009-06-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

If you fall asleep with me
You can dream and drowse
The miuntes turn to hours

We could climb a tree or two
And watch the sun go down
Upon our sleepy town

After all the time I spent with you
Summer went away
And we just weren't the same

It's just you and me alone
Not grown ups but not kids
You kissed me on the lips

Porcupine Tree

2009-06-14T07:53:00.001-07:00

please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste

heh, I remember first listening to Sympathy for the Devil by Rolling Stones, and then the Guns N Roses version. Rocking stuff, check it out if you haven't already.

Now of course it's different music

Follow me down to the valley below
Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul

Lazarus, beautiful song by Porcupine Tree.

Ah well.

Small update, using ubuntu now... It's OK so far.

2009-06-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

It's not that I don't have thoughts anymore that led me to post songs here. Rather, it was the excess of such thoughts. Mistakes, compromises, promises (broken) that promote this lifestyle

hermit? No. Not self-imposed by any account. Not abandoned either. Just... I don't know what the word is. Lack the vocabulary to articulate.

I don't mind admitting that school is a tad disillusioning to me. I hit a glass ceiling in history, lit, I can't be fucked to do Maths and I'm likely to screw up GP. Not making matters any better is the knowledge that in the USA, in Germany, or anywhere not Asia, I'd be doing well.

Deus Ex Machina now please.

Prequel to the Sequel

2009-06-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

The words don't matter this time.

2009-06-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

I'm just a stranger
I walk in the black light
Boy to a soldier
I'm fighting the good fight
And I wait
I wanna go, don't wanna know
‘bout the danger
I'm just a farm boy
Just doin' what I can
When I'll be a killer
It'll make me a real man
I can't wait
I'm gonna know, I wanna go
Through the changes
And I can't breathe
Or is it all in my mind?
The faces are changing
Misplaced in time
And I won't dream
I will be the headlines
Your features are fading
Too late this time
And you know
You'd always be the first in line
And you know
It's all about the life divine
A hero's ending
All the signs
You're the one
And the one you must survive
And you know
It doesn't matter what you do
And you know
The luck you wear will pull you through
The never ending
Light you find
For the one
The one will survive
And you know...

2009-06-08T01:57:00.000-07:00

One day, in the year of the fox
Came a time remembered well,
When the strong young man of the rising sun
Heard the tolling of the great black bell.
One day in the year of the fox,
When the bell began to ring,
It meant the time had come for one to go
To the temple of the king.

There in the middle of the circle he stands,
Searching, seeking.
With just one touch of his trembling hand,
The answer will be found.
Daylight waits while the old man sings,
Heaven help me!
And then like the rush of a thousand wings,
It shines upon the one.
And the day has just begun.

One day in the year of the fox
Came a time remembered well,
When the strong young man of the rising sun
Heard the tolling of the great black bell.
One day in the year of the fox,
When the bell began to sing
It meant the time had come for the one to go
To the temple of the king.

There in the middle of the people he stands,
Seeing, feeling.
With just a wave of the strong right hand, hes gone
To the temple of the king.

Far from the circle, at the edge of the world,
Hes hoping, wondering.
Thinking back on the stories hes heard of
What hes going to see.
There, in the middle of a circle it lies.
Heaven help me!
Then all could see by the shine in his eyes
The answer had been found.

Back with the people in the circle he stands,
Giving, feeling.
With just one touch of a strong right hand, they know
Of the temple and the king.

2009-06-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

Are you such a dreamer
To put the world to rights?
I'll stay home forever
Where two and two always makes a five

I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag and hide
January has April's showers
And two and two always makes a five

It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can SCREAM and you can shout
It is too late now

Because...
You have not been!

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been paying attention

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been paying attention

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention
You have not been paying attention

Payin' attention
Payin' attention
Payin' attention oohh

I try to sing along
But I get it all wrong
Cozimnot
Cozimnot

I swat 'em like flies but like flies the buggers keep coming back NOT
But I’m not

All hail to the thief
All hail to the thief

But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not

Don't question my authority or put me in the box
Cozimnot
Cozimnot

Oh go and tell the king that the sky is falling in

When it's not
But it's not
But it's not
Maybe not
Maybe not

Enmesh

2009-06-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

Living this life, alone and yet with so many others. Ironic, the more that one tries to address the problem, the worse it seems to get.

Today, learning about gender and all that jazz, I can't help but wonder, why do these people even bother? All it invites is criticism... Then a realization, I'm in the exact same position, aren't I? Not exactly persecuted, but not exactly understood...

I'm starting to see the past through rose-tinted lenses. I know its not right though. I need to stop, because we weren't the people that I see in my mind.

Anathema. Are you there? It was somewhat comical to me... That it should be an anathema, to ask the question itself.

OSI. The Escape Artist. Perhaps I should be alone for a while. Not for long, I'll be back 100% next week most likely.

Let it be, let it be.

Songs, poems, prose, drama, close.

Block test 2 coming and I'm playing online games. Whatever. Not like the people that matter will notice, they already think I'm slacking. I guess I'm that sort of person, who needs verbal affirmation. Pathetic isn't it? That's what you would think wouldn't you.

Enmesh. When two things are twisted together so tightly, you can only separate them by force. How true.

The Escape Artist

2009-06-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

Run, run
like you've already done
You've gotta move to meet demand
You're far flung when the music's done
you better find a place to land

It's all true when I lit that fuse
I never meant to be your friend
I kicked the tire but it caught on fire
I'm gonna try to make amends

You act mysterious
but you speak in gibberish
You can take your memory
I'm off
I'd better be alone
Alone

Part two
now you're back in the news
you're gonna spread the word around
I'm all done because the song is sung
I'm gonna black my windows out

You move mysterious
but you speak in gibberish
You can take your memory
I'm off
I'd better be alone
Alone

No harm, no foul
It's not fine at all
It's not fair leading us there
It's no fun at all

You act mysterious
but you speak in gibberish
You can take your memory
I'm off
I'd better be alone
Alone

I'm gone
I'd better be alone
Alone

boyceavenue

2009-06-03T03:10:00.000-07:00

Are You There

2009-06-02T21:30:00.001-07:00

Need that Whiskey

2009-06-02T08:24:00.001-07:00

fuck. fuck. fuck.

i want it.

DAMN these age limits. Faugh!

2009-06-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

you needed it, Rahman. It was just a little, no-one will notice. It doesn't make you an alcoholic.

besides, he definitely will buy another bottle. Then there'll be more of it. won't that be great?

or you could wait till you're working, get your own. then no-one will give a fuck how much you booze...

fucking age limits.

evanescent luminescence

2009-05-30T10:16:00.001-07:00

a fading glow, your memory engraved in my brain weathered away by the sands of time and the winds of change. Winter passes, spring passes, now the summer is upon us. New hopes, new dreams, I want to leave you in the past- no, I have left you in the past, just as all the others.

-----------

dear avril,
your name is in my post. lol. subway offer has expired by the way :P

no fear, newest offer is cookie bake. like after my As. ><

----------

a brief interlude, stepping out of character- or into character? I swim in a sea of uncertainty, of half truths and illusions... losing someone has that effect. But for so long? Or is this merely a culmination of previous endeavours, a state which used you as a catalyst, but would have come about anyway?

The questions remain:
Are humans inherently good or bad?
Are there definite moral standards?
Does God exist?
Does god exist?
Do gods exist?
When will I die?
Will I have time to do what I want?
Are the questions answerable?
Am I asking the right questions?
What's the right way to find the answers?
Is there a right way to find the answers?

Haven't these questions all been asked before?

And so, in futile contemplation, I persist
In search of answers
-postmodernist

Remembrance
I won't forget you

Evolving my definitions constantly
Constantly stagnating

shorter and shorter. Stop now, remain comprehensible.

simply put
I miss you.
jie.

(question: isn't ironic that i find emo a tiring label?)

2009-05-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

SLEEPY

hahahaha i had something to blog at 5 pm. But oh well. hahaha.

Waking Up Blind - Evergrey

2009-05-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

Leave the lie you got to find a way
Ask yourself why and give yourself a reason to stay
Leave the lie am I begging in vain
We're all left to fight with why
You're not the same.

Left behind we are stranded not free
In silence I cry what went wrong was it me
Led to believe in a truth that was false
Truth built on greed and the faith of the weak

Waking up blind and blind you must be
So stupid of me to believe in your hypocrisy
Gave it all up for life in a dream
So foolish of me to not stop your infidelity

Unfaithful
Unfaithful to life

New Skin

2009-05-23T22:30:00.001-07:00

no, duh.

A Trace of Blood

2009-05-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

Touching ground...
Going home to those I miss.
Safe and sound...
Weeks of exile turn to bliss
But there's something in her voice!
When she is calling me!
A trace of blood to lead me
Through roads of agony...
With blood taste in my mouth,
And clouds before my eyes,
I kneel beside the bed
Where my bleeding dryad lies...

I never knew your name but I will miss you just the same
I was to live for you, I lost the will to live at all the day you came
It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
You were to be the first, how wonderful
Now I will always fear to hope again

Pissbusters

2009-05-20T07:58:00.001-07:00

Priorities

2009-05-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

1) Friends
2) Family
3) Studies
4) Fitness
5) Music
6) Books and Comics
7) God or not?
8) CCA
9) Philo
10) once

Phantasmagoria

2009-05-17T03:49:00.000-07:00

I'm fleeing from these shadows, these demons and nightmares that plague me in the light. This world, nothing but a crazed phantasmagoria of shadows and illusions, nothing is honest, everything with shades of meanings and overtones- it drives me into insanity. Politics. Who keeps their promises? A campaign, and then forgotten. War, the official seldom meeting the actual. When will the killing stop? It's a farce, it's a lie. Religion, finding God where only humanity is. There is no God, there are only complexes. Psychology. You can't trust your own mind. You don't know yourself. Let a doctor tell you who you are. Science. so self-assured, so full of shit. One day true, the next day false. Pour in billions of dollars into researching something which has absolutely no bearing on reality. Meanwhile, people starve. Corruption. The economic wheels grind to a halt in the face of a diseased state of affairs. A fucked up world. How can we proclaim it a perfect creation? Why doesn't he just end it all? Death would be a sweet- surrender. Why have we coloured our perceptions to the extent where it doesn't matter if you conform or rebel? You're an idiot either way.

There isn't a right answer. There isn't a solution. Why are we still looking? Or does the need for a solution imply the existence of one?

Philosophy, bullshit. I don't know. Don't know much of anything.

Is this how it feels to be lost?

Love. Don't ask me, I don't know anymore what it entails.

Questions unanswered, and yet they demand my answers.

Very soon, it won't matter.

A crazed phantasmagoria.

Full Moon Rising

2009-05-16T03:18:00.000-07:00

It's not a new dawn in my life.
It's more like how the darkness of the twilight fades, and the moon illuminates the night. No new hope to spur me on. But the darkness subsides, driven from me by the pale reflection of the sun. No longer in pitch black darkness, now I can see the path before me again.

But still, it is cold, it is lonely, and I wait for the dawn to come, for the suns rays to touch me again.
It's been too long.

The moon guides me. She is colder than the Sun, she has no warmth to show me. She is obscure, she is not clear. She gives barely enough- but still, enough. Enough to keep me going, enough to make sure I see.

So I press on.

2009-05-13T07:07:00.000-07:00

tomorrow, i dine in hell.
.
.
.
.
Many Christians will not feel sadness cause they'll be in heaven. Or was that the Muslims?
Question: Would I rather burn in hell with my family or friends?

Killing yourself to live is a stupid thing to do
unless you live fast to die young.

Redemption - Memory

2009-05-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

I still remember the sound of your voice calling out my name
And I still remember my face examining itself, knowing things would never be the same
I still remember your smiling face across a crowded room
And I still remember, through the weathering of time, that first embrace that sealed our doom

Your eyes stare at me, from every storefront
And your voice calls to me from every restaurant
And your laughter pierces me as I stand beneath the open sky
And your absence murders me as I sleep perchance to die

Seems like to escape is what I ought to do
But every road I take brings me back to you

I am frozen in the moment
clinging to your memory
and I don’t
Want the ignorance that a spotless mind would bring
but I’m
Scared my dying breath may be your name

It’s just like I sang to you – everyone knows that we live in a world
Where people give bad names to beautiful things
And if it’s really true that people should leave once they’ve
Got what they came for, I certainly hope that you’re holding it close to you now

I still remember the sunlight on your face that warm November day
And I still remember, my heartbeat quickened by desire, unaware of prices I would pay
I still remember the closing door the night we said goodbye, and I still
Remember losing you for good and knowing that a part of me had died
And I still pray that things will be alright
and I pray you’ll think of me tonight
And I know somehow I’ll be alright and I hope that you’re the same…

OSI - Go

2009-05-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

On the first day
I set the scene on a magazine
And now I hurt someone
In the next scene
I cracked the code of the episode
And now I'm having fun

In a house
In the mountains
There's a way to fall asleep
And I know when I find it
I will let this go

I can still feel my hope twitch
Crushed by the force of chromosomes
It's a trail map to a bear trap
Separating poor torn camouflage

Under house
Under water
Lay your wing-clipped history
And I know
When I find it
I will let this (you) go

Wild Order

2009-05-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

There is chaos in your order
Plan it down to minute detail
something will go wrong.

murphy's law
Today we mourn the loss of a bass
hungerrrr

Waking in the Calm of Desolation

2009-05-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

I remember hearing the calls to prayer once, when I was still in primary school. I remember being alienated by it, and yet curious. My ears, unaccustomed to the Arab tongue (rather ironic, in retrospect) were curious, what did it mean?

"Allāhu akbar! Allāhu akbar! Allāhu akbar! Allāhu akbar!"
"Ash-hadu an lā ilāha illallāh!"
"Ash-hadu an lā ilāha illallāh!"
.
.
.
"Allāhu akbar! Allāhu akbar!"
"Lā ilāha illallāh!"

Then, it was childlike curiosity. Now...
I think it is the most beautiful proclamation of worship to come from the human mind. I think it has a beauty of its own, this Arab tongue that I should by right be familiar with. I am not swayed by its beauty... But it still is musical. Beautiful.

One of my most vivid memories of worship in St. Andrew's was during morning assembly. I can't even remember what day it was, what year I was in. All I remember are these words:

"A new commandment
I give unto you
that you love one another
as I have loved you."

There were, of course, other hymns. More 'obvious' choices, like "I Don't Know About Tomorrow" or the (in)famous "End of Term Hymn". I chose this one because unlike the others, what struck me most about this hymn (even as I was making lewd jokes with someone [JJ? Can't recall] from 1A/2A) was the fact that... everyone seemed to be singing. Those from SASS would know this hardly ever happens. So I started to pay attention to the words. At this point, I'd like to pause my narration. If I wanted to maintain my image, or if this were fiction- I'd poignantly continue with something along the lines of This was my first realization of the hypocrisy of religion, with all its proclamations of love, the strife it had wrought stuck out like a sore thumb. From that day on, I vowed never to bow to the evil that I perceive religion to be. But the thing is, I'm telling the truth, as far as I remember it. I may be exaggerating, possibly only half the thoughts I'm about to share actually occurred to me as I contemplated this song. But what I think I felt that day was a great sense of... flippancy. It was a mistake, perhaps. But I honestly had more important things to worry about. I gave it my fair share of cynicism, thoughts such as "Who's paying us all of a sudden?" and "We suck as a choir". Ok, fine, also "We must be gay." I just didn't care.

Now, I wonder. It was one of the most memorable moments, only after I left SASS. I never thought much about it when I was in there, my head being elsewhere, buried in studies, Xbox, Halo and the like. But then when I search for memories of worship in SASS... Not Saints Aflame, not any of the chapel sessions, no. This comes to mind. Why, I wonder? Maybe because I believe now that humanity defines itself by sticking together? Not really. Because it was a nice hymn? Well, yes, but there are better ones. I don't really know. Maybe I'll find the answer to that riddle someday.

In any case. Christian worship has never struck me as out of place, because I grew up with it. Similarly, Muslim worship is not as familiar, but I've grown to see it and appreciate it as a part of my family's culture... The way you reacquaint yourself with a long lost cousin, so I have become accustomed to Islam. Taking the family simile further, Christianity was to me the naggy aunt that would always be hovering around, trying to meddle with your life, but not central. I never gave it much heed until later in my secondary school life. Then it became the wise uncle that seemed to know all. Hm.

In any case. My relationship with religion has certainly changed. I've gone from uncaring Muslim to semi-converted agnostic, to die-hard atheist... Now? I don't know. I don't think the world's black and white. I'm definitely a de facto atheist. But do I really subscribe to a zero-sum perception of the existence of God? Or do I give it as much credence as unicorns and leprechauns? It does make a difference. It means opening up that door which I swore I wouldn't open. I don't want to make this decision hastily, nor do I want to do it in an emotional state. For now, the door stays closed. But one day, when the dust has settled, I will revisit this question of faith, and settle this inner debate once and for all.

---------------

I have given up on so much. The past was certain. Now, I don't know what I'll be doing tomorrow. I tried to reach out to a hand that wasn't even there, and it cost me. I turned to others, but now I don't know how to ask for any more help. Afraid that there really isn't anything anyone can do. I know I'm not the best of friends. I know that I can be a pain in the ass. I know I can hurt without meaning to. And yet some of you still offer the hand... I don't know if I can take it. Am I strong enough to follow through? Can I meet the basic expectation of every helping hand, that I will feel better afterward? That's why hands are offered. Everyone wants to help, they want to see the results. But I don't know if I deliver those results. Have I let you down?

Honesty. I don't know. Do you understand now? I've said so often, in place of "yeah I know". Shattered self-confidence, it was always there. Just that it comes out most now. You see, empty vessels, they make the most noise. I don't want to slap your helping hands away. I'm afraid to take them. What a paradox.

We began in tears, how else could we end.... But in tears? I wonder if she realizes the irony and the full circle we have travelled.

I need to clear up something

2009-05-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

I. Do. Not. Listen. To. Emo. Music.

http://www.fourfa.com/index.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emo_artists

The fourfa link explains the emo sound. The list of bands associated with emo? I listen to none. There's only one artist there I used to listen to. Simple Plan. (At this moment I am laughing at some people). Furthermore, there's a band down there I deride a LOT. Which some people seem to love. FoB. HAH.

I listen to progressive rock, hard rock, slow rock, alternative, and experimental. On top of that, I can't say I like the emo sound either. Check it here: http://www.mesaverde.co.uk/mp3/ and you'll probably agree.

This generation's definitions need a lot of work. Stupid herd mentality.

Eriatarka

2009-05-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't want to understand. That's when I listen to the songs of discordance and psychedelia. Pink Floyd. The Mars Volta. Radiohead. I let them play, sing of things I barely comprehend. Insanity, at times. It's about looking into the abyss of humanity.

But then I remember you, and I realize I don't need the songs, do I?

You can indulge in your insanities, don't drag others down with you. That's all I ask.

2009-04-30T20:04:00.000-07:00

FUCK. THIS. SHIT.

2009-04-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

so far away from me
you're so far, i just cant see
you're so faraway from me...

All of the Above - Transatlantic

2009-04-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

[III: Camouflaged In Blue]

Dead on your feet you walk like no one's home
Out on the street you make your way alone
Soldier of fortune camouflaged in blue

Dawn turns to dusk you sail away in doubt
Love turns to lust you've turned it inside out
Soldier of fortune camouflaged in blue (but I know you)

All that you are is not the things you do
You know it's true
All that you are is camouflaged in blue
You know it's true

Dead on your feet you walk like no one's home
Out on the street you make your way alone
Soldier of fortune camouflaged in blue
But I know you now

Cicatriz Esp (Eat the Sun) - The Mars Volta

2009-04-28T07:58:00.000-07:00

Belated

2009-04-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

the 22nd was wednesday
thankfully
i didnt do anything
even though i could have
i forgot, you see
for the first time
in 6 months
i forgot

2009-04-28T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sleep plagued by dreams,
fitful rest.
Unique only in experience,
the effect conforms to your expectation.
Wake.

The Glory of the Empire - Circus Maximus

2009-04-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

The men stood tall on the battleground
With pride in their eyes
And with faith to guide them
Blood was spilled over the fields
They won, but for what cause?
What we do echoes in eternity

Now as brothers they unite
And as enemies they shall apart
For the glory of the Empire
Now I’ve been betrayed
But there is no one here to tell
I must walk towards the deadline
I must walk it alone... all alone

On my quest for a new horizon
I’ve been waiting for so long
In the time of a desperate fighter

Free me from the spell that I’m in
Throught these eyes I have seen
With my soul I have been drowning
This journey must end
I must enter the scene once again

My name has been taken
My soul has been torn apart
What I have lived for has now been taken away from me
Sold for a penny, I was marked as gold
The arena opens up
...the salute of a thousand souls
I must struggle to win the crowd

Now the time has come
Will I win or fall?
Victory is on my mind
Could it ever be what I have found?
Now the gates are open wide
I must enter the arena
It will bring me one step closer to my revenge

On the quest for a new horizon
I’ve been waiting for so long
In the time of a desperate fighter

Free me from the spell that I’m in
Through these eyes I have seen
With my soul I have been drowning
This journey must end

I gazed into the night
...where you and I once used to watch the sun set,
And the moon rise
Now as the time pass by, when I can not breath at all
When you reach out your hand

Betray whispers in the wind
An era that never ends
My soul is in blister, but I feel no pain
I can now see what was taken away from me
Through the gates I walk, but I am not alone
I am One, now finally... finally I’m free

On my quest for a new horizon
I’ve been waiting for so long
In a time of a desperate fighter

Free me from the spell that I’m in
Through these eyes I have seen
With my soul I have been drowning
This journey must end
I have entered the scene again

For the glory of the Empire
That’s been built by the hands of slaves
For the glory of the Empire
That’s been built by the hands of slaves
To fulfill the master’s will

2009-04-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

Lol. "Are you tired of unreliable guns?"

Deadwing

2009-04-23T21:44:00.001-07:00

it seems appropriate

adjectives and nouns to describe a futile state.

Slacker

2009-04-23T07:40:00.001-07:00

inadequacy threatens to drown me
don't give in, it's too easy.
remember
not in vengeance but in shame.
its over
don't look back
remember with pain
forget with the new day
carry on (my wayward son?)
don't (take the time?)
what's the story, morning glory?
just a sad little man
with his hand
on his crotch...
10.42
I've never been this tired.
everything i do
is
wrong
everything i do
just comes undone
don't carry your burdens alone

I'm writing to reach you
but I'll never reach you.

Damn this convoluted conspiracy.
throw in some long words and you look smart
this world's so fake
do i really think like this or is it some weird badge of honour?
I DONT KNOW.

If I Were A Bro

2009-04-22T01:34:00.001-07:00

About To Crash

2009-04-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

It's not enough
I've poured in more than I ever thought possible
It's not enough
I've gone further than I thought I could
It's just the beginning
I overcame nigh insurmountable obstacles...
There are higher ones ahead

I need strength.
I need power
I need...
POWERTHIRST

ok I'm half serious about that one.

2009-04-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

tired
no, physically.
weary.

urgh
i dont evenn want to be in backstage drama anymore
and then she wants us in.
urgh

ok nvm
just do

2009-04-16T05:33:00.000-07:00

i must remember
there is no chidhood's end

keep the dream alive
the music plays on...

2009-04-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

maybe i should revamp an older blog...
but i'm not sure what i want to use it for
i already have an outlet for creative expression
i have an outlet for my rants
but i really did like the name hypocritical bias.
and now, i think it would be appropriate...

2009-04-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

half-caf, double-tall, non-fat, whole milk foam bone-dry, half-pump mocha, half sugar in the raw, double-cup, no lid capp to go.

:)

2009-04-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

weird weekend
had my cousin stay over
i actually got work done, woot!

the irony of me getting MCs to pon PE and then spraining my shoulder when I do start exercising is not lost on me. Sigh... Whatever, seriously. Let me just die of a heart attack by 30, this exercise crap is irritating.

Urgh this room is stifling, even though the windows are open and the fan's on... Ahh now it's better. Blasting the fan in my face helps.

Speaking of blasting. Reverted to noise-isolation earphones again... so for all intents and purposes, I'm deaf. A combination of Opeth, Fates Warning, Pain of Salvation and We Are Scientists all at permanently high volumes will do that...

I found a term to describe you by the way. Idiosyncratic. I was curious about the word and looked it up. Incidentally that's similar to how I came up with zaftig... And guess what, it wasn't an insult.

Sometimes I think back to one lit lesson in sec 3? 4? I wonder, am I an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert? I'm not 100% sure how these terms are used but I assume that the former denotes a tendency to assume a facade of extroversion while maintaining a desire for solitude, while the latter denotes a tendency to assume a facade of introversion while maintaining a desire for company... In which case, I could technically fall into either. But since the world isn't in black and white, I guess that's understandable. My question would thus be formed as such. Am I more of the extroverted introvert or more of the introverted extrovert? I can think of many occasions when I have been one or the other... And there are of course times when I truly enjoy the company of people and times when I truly enjoy solitude. But I find that whenever I go through a rough patch my tendency is to shun most social situations and be on my own... There are exceptions of course, there are always exceptions. But overall? Shades of grey?

I personally understand the need to have things laid out clearly, this is SO and it has to be. But the more I look for that, the more I realize, over and over again, that the world doesn't work that way. Without sounding too relativistic, I insist that given proper conditions, anything is possible. Nothing is fully secure- Not religion, not science, not thought. Absolutes... They aren't things which I take to very well. Now I have a tendency to ask if the fact is truly absolute. Laws can be re-written and changed. Science is always pushing new boundaries. Religion always re-interprets itself to suit modern contexts. Philosophies come and go, history is only based on our knowledge... Any new evidence could change our knowledge vastly. And still there's a yearning for an anchor that in my opinion just does not exist. It's a futile pursuit, but we cannot stop chasing after that sense of security. That elusive thing that causes us to turn to religion, to science, to search for patterns... Why? I wonder. Why are we so obsessed?

Final realization. I'm a very lazy person. :/

2009-04-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

i need to focus
A LEVELS
sigh...

It's a Hit - We Are Scientists

2009-04-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

I should've known that this would happen from the start
This kind of function's gonna have to fall apart
I guess before I would've sworn that we were friends
Maybe this problem points towards some larger trend

But I still don't understand
What this whole thing's about
And all the words that you said
Are somehow stuck in my mouth
And this was going so well
But I don't know what I did
All I really can tell, is
I've been hit
I've been hit
I've been hit

Well there's only so much drama I can stand
And this is just about as far as I will bend
So get your hands of my lapel
Because I think it's time to go
You ought to know better.
You know,
You ought to know

But I still don't understand
What this whole thing's about
And all the words that you said
Are somehow stuck in my mouth
And this was going so well
But I don't know what I did
All I really can tell, is
I've been hit
I've been hit
I've been hit

As I was falling down the stairs
And out the door
I guess I heard you yell my name
But I'm not sure
You know before I could've sworn that we were friends
But that's how these problems always seem to end

But I still don't understand
What this whole thing's about
When all the words that you said
Are somehow stuck in my mouth
And this was going so well
But I don't know what I did
All I really can tell
Is that I always get hit

And I still don't understand
What this whole thing's about
And all the words that you said
Are somehow stuck in my mouth
I guess I might take it back
But I'm not sure what I did
All I know about that, is
I've been hit
I've been hit
I've been hit

All Gone Now - OSI

2009-04-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

Well said in my head
Dumb it down
Well screamed that was mean
Put it down
If this is all you can look for the door

But it's all gone now
It's all gone now
It's all gone now
Now it's all gone

Full stream this machine
Down the track
No tread loose your head
Put it back
And when it stalls we can walk home alone

But it's all gone now
It's all gone now
It's all gone now
Now it's all gone

This one
This one here is starting to open
Open up inside of you

Listen
Listen here
It's already talking and talking

This one
This one here
Is already folding over up inside of you

This one
This one is falling and falling

Well said in my head
Dumb it down
Well screamed that was mean put it down
If this is all you can look for the door

But it's all gone now
It's all gone now
It's all gone now
Now it's all gone

2009-04-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

sometimes
you just have to accept that there are things which you cant change.

In the Calm of Desolation

2009-04-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

It's hypocritical
But, I guess I don't really need to care anymore

Conceiving You - Riverside

2009-04-04T06:59:00.000-07:00

I've been watching you
Not waiting for the right moment to make the first move
Do you want to know
Why I keep avoiding your eyes
And why I'm running away?
It's crazy, I know
I've been conceiving you for too long
Or maybe I'm destined to be alone?
Or maybe there's someone who will understand
That I'm not able to share my world?
I'm still running away
It's crazy, I know
I've been conceiving you for too long
If only I could change all things around
Still conceiving you all along...
I've been conceiving you for too long
If only I could change all things around
I've been conceiving you for too long
I've grown used to that
Still conceiving you all along...

Yes, That Is Samuel

2009-04-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

Ok this is for the SASS guys. Rockstar alr lah, what to say. Has groupies all.

2009-04-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

lifecon was interesting, photos tmr... some anyway.

This burning furnace-heart has finally laid itself to rest.

2009-04-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

shh....

2009-04-01T23:34:00.001-07:00

"Imagine yourself exhausted in the middle of a desert... Sitting down will take away your pain, but it will kill you. The walk for water will hurt, but it may save your life." - Daniel Gildenlöw

Another Perfect Day - Fates Warning

2009-04-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

You tell me you love me
And I wonder why
The sun is overhead
But I can't see past the clouds in my eye
You show me what is real
And I just pretend
Another perfect day
And I wonder how it all will end

Another perfect day
And I will hide away
From all the sights and sounds
Another perfect day
And I will walk away
From all the light that surrounds

Shadows embrace this room
As I draw the shades tight
Close the curtains, shut out the day
Shut out the light

Another perfect day
And I will hide away
From all the sights and sounds
Another perfect day
And I will walk away
From all the light that surrounds

Lying awake again
Restless in this bed
Summer night whispers soft
But I can't sleep through the noise in my head
Soon the sun is rising
And I just descend
Another perfect day
And I wonder when it all will end

Another perfect day
And I will hide away
From all the sights and sounds
Another perfect day
And I will walk away
From all the light that surrounds

Another perfect day
And I will hide away
From all the sights and sounds
Another perfect day
And I will walk away
From all the light that surrounds

Kingdom of Loss

2009-04-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

"Could someone please just tell me what happened?
I mean, first we pay for fast-food that will make us all fat and tired.
So then we pay for elevators, so we won't have to climb the three stairs up to our apartments.
Then we buy freaking StairMaster™ machines
So we can burn away while watching someone make real food on TV.
Now, if that doesn't make us winners I don't know what will.
I bet we would hang ourselves if the world would just cut the slack.
And now you think maybe you should see a shrink,
Help you feel alive again - yeah, that's a plan!
Just tell us who to pay.

See, it's really all about time and choice.
The fast food saves us enough time to squeeze lunch in exactly when we want it.
The elevators save us just a little more, the StairMaster™ lets us choose exactly when to walk the stairs.
Time is so important these days, it's becoming a fucking disease, and I guess in a way it is since it's bound to kill us all in the end.
Now with all the time and money we stash away on others' expense,
I can only assume that the tickets to hell are really expensive.
For some reason, it's important to be first in line."

Embrace the Black

2009-03-30T06:17:00.000-07:00

Am I back?

I don't want a repeat

Enough is enough.

because

She changes every time you look
By summer it was all gone
Now
Shesmovedon
She called you every other day
So savour it
It's all gone
Now-
Shesmovedon.

There's nothing I can do about it

GROW.
Before its too late.

Come back
In black.

A Natural Disaster

2009-03-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a long cold winter without you
I've been crying on the inside over you
Just slipped through my fingers as life turned away
It's been a long cold winter since that day

It's hard to find
Hard to find
Hard to find the strength now but I try
And I don't want to
Don't want to
Don't want to go on and speak now
Of what's gone by
Cos no matter what I say
No matter what I do
I cant change what happened
No matter what I say
No matter what I do
I cant change what happened

You just slipped through my fingers
And I feel so ashamed
You just slipped through my fingers
And I have paid

Cos no matter what I say
No matter what I do
I cant change what happened
No matter what I say
No matter what I do
I cant change what happened
No no I can't change

Just slipped through my fingers
And I feel so ashamed
You just slipped through my fingers
And I have paid.

2009-03-29T06:27:00.000-07:00

i dont know

2009-03-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

Where did the words go...?
Never mind. A new day. It has to be better than the last.
Or I'm giving up.

Miss U - Blackfield

2009-03-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

You were living another life
It cuts me like a knife
I hope you understand
I'm the one who's left behind

2009-03-28T03:10:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a fucking failure right now. I could scream. And shout.

Coward, thats me. Not pacifist, COWARD. Damn me.

But you know, even the strong have their problems. Everyone has their fucking problems to deal with. Its only people like me who have to shout it out to the world. Bloody idiot.

Kill...
But I don't know how to complete that sentence. Myself? You? Everyone?

Confusion, insecurity, weakness makes me angry.

furious in fact.

and only two people know where this heads. One... doesn't care. and the other wont be able to stop it. The rest will never know. They can't. because if they find out...

i cannot let anger override my logic. anger burns white hot, but my logic will be implacable. ice.

freezing winter solitude overcomes blazing infernos of the heart.

and that is how it must be.

must.